Wild Boys
by Chya
Summary: Jesse's going off the rails. Rating for a couple of Bad Words.


Many thanks to all of you who said such nice things about my first MX fic, Not Fade Away (no sequel planned, sorry!) :o). Am discovering that Jess has much to say for himself!  
  
Microscopic warning. It's not what I'd call AU, but chronologically it has difficulty fitting in with canon.  
  
Also hooj hugs and many thanx must go to comma-patroller extraordinaire, and plot-bunny sharer, JillyW.  
  
*****  
  
  
  
  
  
Wild Boys  
  
  
  
Shalimar's blood sang in familiar delight as she flew through the air, feet and hands landing precisely where they should, spinning to launch a kick back, ducking and sliding to avoid a punch and deliver a chop to the neck. The enemy dropped before her and with a moment's respite she checked her allies.  
  
An evil determination accompanied Brennan's arcs of electricity followed by satisfaction as the enemy fell back from him, and Emma's careful concentration belied her calm demeanor as she systematically blasted target after target.  
  
Tossing her head and snarling in frustration, Shalimar just knew that Jesse was in trouble before she spotted him. He was the only one whose capabilities remained defensive rather than offensive, unless he lucked out and someone stood on a platform he could phase from under them. Yet he was the one who threw himself into melees with ever increasing recklessness.  
  
There was a time when the molecular mutant would have used his density shifting powers to defend and buy time for the others to go on the attack, only going head to head when necessary. But these days, it seemed to Shalimar that Jesse was trying to compete in an area where he held all the disadvantages.  
  
Using a railing as a launch ramp, Shalimar jumped and skimmed the wall to land on the shoulders of the ape that was trying to bash Jesse's skull in from behind. Fists and feet flying, she saw Jesse go down on one knee, but needed to get rid of the enemy before she could attend him. But suddenly overwhelmed beyond ever her abilities to cope, she didn't see one of the men she'd taken out earlier stand and take aim.  
  
Just an instant of bright flaring pain and Jesse's shocked and bruised face, then the lights went out.  
  
*****  
  
Following instructions, Brennan tended to the minor cuts and bruises that decorated Jesse's face and fists while Emma assisted Adam in attending to Shalimar.  
  
"Jesus, Jess, you sure know how to pick 'em," he admonished. "Why the hell didn't you just hang back - "  
  
"Like the fucking wuss I am?" Jesse snapped suddenly, making Brennan jump. Pushing the elemental's hand away, he slid off the bench and started for the door.  
  
"No, you stupid jerk!" Brennan caught his shoulder and spun him round. "Because you would have been more use to Shalimar if you'd stuck to what you're best at; catching bullets!"  
  
"And what would you know!" Jesse's fist cocked and massed, before he roughly shook Brennan off and continued out of the room. Stung, worried and feeling out of control of the situation, Brennan started after the younger man.  
  
"Brennan, leave him!" Adam snapped. "The injured could do with a little peace."  
  
Biting off a retort, Brennan approached the reclining Shalimar, the white bandage on the side of her head bright against her healthy tan. She was awake, but groggy and very lucky, the bullet having just grazed her. Adam would insist on observation as concussion was likely, but with her accelerated healing and willpower, Brennan knew full well she'd be back out with them in a day or so.  
  
"Yeah," smiled Shalimar, holding out a hand to him. "Give Jesse a break would you, big guy?"  
  
"Shal, you could've been killed," Brennan objected. Shalimar meant the world to him, and although she didn't return the feelings as he would have liked her to, he was still protective of her. And, even if he would never admit it, he was just the tiniest bit jealous of the close bond she had with Jesse, never mind that it was the bond of brother and sister.  
  
"Shoulda, woulda, coulda." Shalimar brushed his concern away. "He's having a hard time, is all."  
  
"Yes, about that." Adam's tone was serious. "I'll have a talk with him. From what you've told me, Jesse's becoming a liability and we can't afford the level of danger that puts the team in out there."  
  
Brennan caught movement from the corner of his eye, a flash of gray shirt; Jesse had been in the doorway, listening. And from Shalimar's horrified expression, she'd seen Jesse too.  
  
Oblivious, Adam continued, "And more importantly, we need to find out why he's being so reckless. It's not like him and I'm worried for him."  
  
"I need to go." Shalimar tried to get up, but all three of them pushed her back down. "Emma?" she begged, not needing to iterate her plea.  
  
"Sure, I'll talk to him," Emma smiled. "But you rest, okay?"  
  
*****  
  
Jesse felt as though he would explode at any second, the anger and frustration was burning that bright in him. He paced restlessly back and forth along the small viewing area, desperately wishing he could find the peace here that used to come so easily.  
  
It was a small area on the side of the mountain with a fabulous seascape, windy and warm, and a place where one could throw away all the inner turmoil to vanish in the natural turbulence of the wind-swept ocean.  
  
But there was nothing here for him now.  
  
He'd almost hit Brennan. With a massed fist. If he'd followed through at that range, he'd have likely shattered his skull.  
  
Up until today he'd thought he'd be okay, that he had enough skills, enough determination that he could compensate for his weakness. Some part of him knew that he should tell Adam, but quite frankly he was fed up with being told to go practice - and practice somewhere far away from Sanctuary.  
  
And he resented the others. He resented the ease with which Shalimar and Brennan slipped into their new mutations. Even Emma was enjoying herself, working hard at them and getting the support she needed to refine her powers And it all seemed so unfair. At least Emma had shown some small understanding when she'd remarked that he had the hardest job, dealing with the world around him.  
  
At the time she'd been spot on, but now things had gone further than that. His powers had grown probably as much as hers had, but so had the flip side. Emma had been able to filter out the negative aspects of her powers. He didn't have that option.  
  
And Adam. When Jesse didn't perform as well as he should, Adam just gave him a slightly disappointed look and told him he'd do better next time. Encouragement was apparently reserved for Emma and, if he'd been given the choice, he'd have taken the hard lectures Brennan got over that disappointed look.  
  
It all seemed so unfair, and the more he tried to balance pleasing everyone else with preserving himself the more the anger, resentment and frustration built up, until he had this dark knot that burned inside that he didn't know how to deal with.  
  
He'd come to the conclusion a while ago that if things got bad enough that he put the others in danger, then he'd leave. Today it had been worse than that. He never dreamt that his drive to extinguish the darkness inside would lead to those he cared about actually being hurt.  
  
Hearing Adam say he was a liability only brought it home how far he'd gone. If Adam thought he was that big a danger, then Jesse needed to do something about it before Adam decided to meddle. Thing was, though, he didn't want to leave Sanctuary. It was home and it was where the only people he cared about in the world were. But the fact that they cared about him in return only made things worse.  
  
If he thought they hated him, then it would be so easy to pick a fight, convince himself he wasn't wanted and just walk on out. But even Brennan had said that he was needed.  
  
He felt so helpless, but knew that the only person that could help him was himself.  
  
And at least Shalimar would be all right. This time.  
  
The slight clearing of a throat interrupted his thoughts and he knew that Emma had come to offer support and comfort. The trouble with having a favorite spot to think things through in such an enclosed environment as Sanctuary was that, sooner or later, everyone knew where it was. Emma's was the pond, Brennan's the training room, Adam his lab, Shalimar. well, she was hard to find sometimes, and everyone knew his place was out here.  
  
Usually they respected each others' need for solitude when they came to their special place. Unless things were dire, and Emma obviously thought things were dire.  
  
"What do you want?" Jesse heard the anger in his voice though he tried to keep it soft. "Come to bawl me out too? Or have I been summoned for a good talking to?"  
  
Emma didn't reply, leaving a silence between them that made Jesse grow more aware of the juvenility of his words as each second ticked by, and she just leaned with her back against the wall, watching him.  
  
Finally, when he could stand it no longer, he spun on his heel and moved to storm past her, but she stepped in front of him.  
  
"We're worried, Jesse. Talk to us. Talk to me?"  
  
He could have phased through her, but knowing that she was only trying to tell him that she was there for him whatever the problem, that they all were, he waited until she stepped aside and then strode past. At least, that was the reason he told himself.  
  
What he was sure of, though, was that he had to get out of there, so he headed for the garage.  
  
How could he talk to her? Talk to them? How could any of them help him when he couldn't tell them what the problem was, and they wouldn't listen?  
  
*****  
  
"Adam." Emma was slightly breathless as she entered the lab. She could have called from the garage, but didn't think it was that urgent. Jesse needed his space, but Adam needed to know. "Jesse's taken one of the cars."  
  
"He needs some time, Emma," Adam said, walking over to meet her. "He's not a danger, is he?"  
  
"No." She'd made certain that Jesse was of a rational mind to get behind the wheel. "But."  
  
"But?" Adam asked.  
  
Emma, letting her worry show on her face, held out her hand. "I think he needs a lot of space right now," she said.  
  
Adam took Jesse's ring from her hand with a small frown. "Sure," he said, and pocketed it. "Why don't you go relax. Try not to worry, Jesse'll be fine."  
  
Reluctantly, Emma went to the med bay to find Brennan and Shalimar. As she approached she could hear Brennan grumbling.  
  
"Why is it when I get mad, everyone yells at me?" he asked. "When the golden boy has a tantrum, everyone pats him on the head and lets him get on with it, It's not fair!"  
  
Shalimar laughed. "You poor, hard done by little boy!"  
  
"I am! Hey, no fair!" Brennan laughed too as Shalimar swiped at him before she saw Emma.  
  
"So, what's up?" The blonde asked.  
  
Emma updated them, then remarked, "Brennan's got a good point though. How come Jesse gets all this slack? I mean, Adam barely blinked when I told him he'd taken a car."  
  
"Adam probably already knew," Shalimar said. And at their surprised looks she elaborated, "With all the alarms in this place? Come on."  
  
"Got a point," Brennan said to Emma, who agreed.  
  
"Anyway," continued Shalimar, "Jesse gets more slack because he's been here nearly as long as I have. And he's never, ever done more than throw a sulk before, so I'd say he's just about overdue to let off some steam. I guess Adam figures that it's better that Jesse goes and blows off steam somewhere other than a situation that'll get one of us hurt. Unlike some people," And here she looked hard at both Brennan and Emma in turn. "Jesse neither goes looking for trouble, nor attracts trouble."  
  
"As if," muttered Brennan, not a little guiltily.  
  
Emma ignored the jibe. "Shal, you were worried to death about him an hour ago!"  
  
"I still am," the other woman replied ruefully. "But unless Adam lets me out of here right now, there's nothing I can do, is there? And, you know what? I have to trust that Jesse can look out for himself."  
  
"Exactly." Emma jumped as Adam came in behind her. "And we have a new problem. Ashlocke has found one of our safe houses. According to a transmission from him to me, he's forcibly recruited three women, two men and two children from the Walminster house. Shalimar, you can help me in the lab. Emma, Brennan, I want you out there now. See what you can find out. There's a woman and a child unaccounted for."  
  
*****  
  
Jesse had not purposely chosen the Mustang, it had simply been the first vehicle in the garage that he'd come to. If his mountain bike had been right to hand he'd have just as thoughtlessly taken that.  
  
But right now he was glad he had the Mustang; it suited his mood, suited how he felt. It was wild and free, exactly how he wanted to be.  
  
Freedom from the absolute control that defined his entire life, freedom from the cage that was Sanctuary, freedom from those that wanted to hunt them down, freedom from the smothering, well meaning actions of his friends and colleagues. Freedom to run wild for while, to do whatever he pleased without responsibility or consequence.  
  
Freedom from his own conscience.  
  
*****  
  
"There's nothing here, Adam," Brennan's voice came over the com, "the place has been wiped clean."  
  
Adam lowered his head, grateful for Shalimar's warm presence as he thought about the seven gifted individuals to whom he'd promised safety, and failed to deliver.  
  
"Thank you, Brennan. You can come home."  
  
Ever tactile, Shalimar put her arms round him. "Don't beat yourself up, Adam, it's not healthy."  
  
"Says she with the bandaged head!." Adam smiled, as he traced the offending item.  
  
"Yeah well, even the perfect among us have off days. Have you managed to trace how Gabriel found out about the safe house?"  
  
Adam shook his head. "He has so many abilities of his own, and who knows how many resources, probably all of Genomex plus those he's charmed or bullied into submission. Or maybe it was an accident. Maybe he stumbled upon a mutant who's passed through the underground, or just stumbled across the house. I can prepare for every planned attack I can think of, but I can't plan for random eventuality. By their very nature, random events are unpredictable." He could hear his voice rising in pitch slightly as he wound himself up.  
  
Shalimar pressed herself into his side, and to any onlooker it would have seemed a sensual, sexual encounter. But while it was certainly sensual, it was that of a cat pressing against its human and purring the stress away, and Adam couldn't help but feel. better. for it.  
  
"I know," Shalimar said. "Now what are we going to do about it?"  
  
*****  
  
A quiet but insistent bleeping interrupted Jesse's immersion in the rush of speed and wind. The gas was running low so, reluctantly, he headed into town to fill up.  
  
Once he was back on the road again he thought he should probably return to Sanctuary, but wasn't ready to, so he cruised aimlessly. But driving through the smog and traffic jams was rapidly bringing the angry frustration surging back.  
  
With a curse he pulled off at the next parking lot and took off on foot, just wanting to lose himself in anonymity. But that idea was scuppered before it ever had a chance to be realized as shouts and curses blasted from a nearby alley. Passers by looked away, pretended it wasn't happening, and Jesse had only contempt for them all.  
  
He darted inside and, as he saw the gang of five young men beating up on a sixth, he felt something within him flare into life. No weird powers, not even guns, just fists, boots and the odd flick-knife.  
  
And they were calling the bleeding boy on the ground a freak.  
  
With an angry snarl he ran into the fray, striking out at surprised faces and undefended knees and spines, all the lessons Shalimar and Brennan had taught him coming into line as he kicked and chopped his way through them.  
  
He felt the blows returned, even felt the fire of a knife in his shoulder, but the adrenaline was burning high, and with a yell, blond hair flying, he spun, kicking the knife wielder hard below the belt. Shalimar would have been proud.  
  
When there was no one left to fight, the adrenaline surge left him abruptly and he sank to his knees, out of breath. It took him a minute to realize that he'd had some help from another young man, a friend of the victim, it seemed.  
  
Those who had been handing out the beating scuttled away, those who could still walk helping those who were less fortunate.  
  
As Jesse watched it became clear that the victim, the younger of the two young men, little more than a boy, wasn't quite normal. A retard of some sort.  
  
The older man, nearer to Jesse's age, stood up and crouched in front of him. "Thanks. Not many would have helped my brother out like that." He nodded at the entry to the alley where people passed by in their own worlds.  
  
Jesse took a deep breath. "I didn't do it for you. Or him." And surprised himself by realizing it was the truth.  
  
"I know," said the young man. "You got a lot of anger in you, brother."  
  
"I'm not your brother!" Jesse snapped.. "Now leave me alone!"  
  
"If you want." The man seemed unperturbed by Jesse's attitude. "Or you could come with me. We'll get them cuts seen to and you could maybe off- load a little. Or not," he added hurriedly. "Least I could do."  
  
Jesse wobbled to his feet, some retort and a demand to be left alone again on his lips, but the ground was tilting and his arm seemed kinda dead. "Thanks," he mumbled.  
  
"Cool," the man smiled as he picked his brother, slinging the younger man's arm over his shoulder. "Matthew. The kid's Jamie."  
  
*****  
  
"Adam know you're in here?" Brennan asked Shalimar, looking pointedly at the bo-sticks she was wielding.  
  
The feral shrugged coyly. "You're not going to tell on me, are ya?"  
  
"I won't tell if you stop and rest, like now!" Brennan ordered. He could see the stubborn part of her flare up, but die down as quickly as she obviously decided that he was right.  
  
"So, no joy, huh?" she asked him as she sat down on the side of the training platform, wincing very slightly.  
  
"Shouldn't overdo it, Shal," Brennan admonished. He hated seeing Shalimar hurt, hated that he couldn't -and she wouldn't let him - protect her. "And no, we couldn't find anything that might've given us a clue. No witnesses, no conveniently dropped bits of paper, no clever riddles, and no damned sign of the missing woman and child." He could hear the frustration in his own voice, but he liked action and this lack of information meant that there was no action he could take.  
  
They didn't know where Ashlocke hid out these days as he'd apparently left Genomex to its own devices, or more correctly in the hands of Doc Harrison and cohorts, so just following his natural inclination to find him and kick ass was not currently a viable option.  
  
"Don't sweat it." Shalimar was looking at him with concern. She could read him like a book and there were times, such as now, when he was grateful for it. "Sooner or later Gabriel will either slip up or just plain tell us. He wants attention. If we don't catch up with him by ourselves, he'll make sure we have help."  
  
"Yeah, and how many more have to be kidnapped, brainwashed or killed before we do?" Brennan took a deep breath to try and control his anger. Letting loose an angry bolt right now was probably not the best thing to do, not when there was the remotest chance that Shalimar would get hurt.  
  
Shalimar took his hand, massaging it soothingly. "Come on, Bren, it's not that bad," she said softly. "Gabriel wants to be worshipped, wants to be a god, so he doesn't kill without good. reason." She stumbled over that last part.  
  
"You don't believe that," he accused.  
  
"No, I don't," she slowly admitted. "But I have to try and think that way, or I'll go insane. I suppose I believe that he has good reason in his own mind, even if that reason is just. out there. And besides, the brain washing part isn't so hard to get round once they're away from Gabriel."  
  
Something in her voice made Brennan look hard at Shalimar. "You still seeing him where he shouldn't be?"  
  
Shalimar nodded slightly. "Although he hasn't been to visit since this," She indicated her bandage ruefully. "Silver linings and all that," she smiled, and Brennan responded, squeezing her hand and wishing she would look at him as more than a friend.  
  
"Any word from Jesse?" As soon as the question popped out, Brennan regretted asking as Shalimar's face fell slightly, although she tried not to appear too concerned.  
  
"Not yet, but he's fine. He just needs. um."  
  
". space." Brennan finished as they both nodded.  
  
Shalimar looked speculatively into the middle distance for a few seconds. "In fact, I think I'd know if anything bad happened to him. To any of you."  
  
*****  
  
Jesse was taken by surprise by the order of the small community that lived in the lofts of the derelict factory building.  
  
Complex constructions took care of the leaks in the roof, channeling rainwater into tubs, while rags and boards covered holes in glass and brickwork. Old sheets hung in ordered regularity provided dwellings round the edges, while a large communal space in the center allowed enough room for an open fire to burn below a collapsed section of roof, and a further area where people were busy tinkering with junk.  
  
"Welcome to the freak-zone," Matthew said with a bitter smile, and Jesse didn't reply. While he despised that term when directed at himself, something that had happened many times growing up, when Matthew said it, it was with such resignation and expectation of ridicule that Jesse felt ashamed.  
  
The 'normal's were in the minority in this community, it seemed usually as carers. On the way, Matthew had explained that Jamie had cerebral palsy and most of those in the factory, named 'Haven' by those that lived there, were afflicted by disease, disorders or had simply been maimed in some accident or another. The sheer diversity of reasons why these people had banded together was astounding, but they had two commonalities that bound them. The usual fact that they could not afford nice clinics where people were paid to make them feel normal was one, but much more importantly, every affliction was something that left a physical impression, something that caused the ignorant and cruel to call them freaks, and to beat them up just because they couldn't fight back.  
  
Jesse helped Matthew get Jamie to a cot where a woman with a rotting hole where her nose should have been began cleaning him up. People passing by stuck their heads in to enquire if Jamie was all right, to offer support and sympathy. But through it all was that same air of resignation. It was by no means the first time this had happened, and would not be the last.  
  
A tugging on his sleeve and a woman of around his own age indicated he should follow her.  
  
"Rachel will fix you up," Matthew said. "We'll meet up by the fire after, maybe eat a little. Least we can do."  
  
Jesse nodded his assent, fascinated by everything going on here. He felt like a spoilt brat for throwing a tantrum when people like this were struggling to survive every day. Rachel was beautiful and perfect in looks, strong and proud by the way she carried herself, yet with a vulnerability in her eyes. Exactly Brennan's type, thought Jesse with a mental chuckle. And then he felt ashamed again at the automatic revulsion he felt when her long hair and the long sleeves on her jumper fell back to reveal hidden sores and weals belonging to some parasite beneath her skin. That was moving beneath her skin.  
  
He tried to suppress the flinch as she first touched his bleeding hands, but was not quite successful.  
  
"It's not catching," she said harshly folding her arms defensively. "Now do you want me to clean you up, or are you going to get squeamish and decide it's better to pick up an infection."  
  
Talk about feeling like a heel. "Sorry." Jesse held his hand out and concentrated on her deft, capable touch as she clean out the cuts, and even dealt smartly with the shallow gash on his shoulder left by the knife.  
  
"You'll do," she said, clearly dismissing him.  
  
"Thank you," Jesse replied, but had the feeling he wasn't heard.  
  
Matthew was waiting for him by the fire and they shared a meal of some curried beef and rice. "So, what do you think of home, sweet home?"  
  
Jesse looked about as he considered. "Friendly, efficient," he replied eventually. "Why did you bring me here? You could have just walked away."  
  
"So could you," Matthew took a couple bites before continuing. "You just seemed, I dunno, kinda lost. Looking for a place to belong. Just thought this might be a place. And besides, I couldn't leave the enemy of my enemy to bleed out in an alley."  
  
"Considerate of you," Jesse replied as he finished off the surprisingly good food.  
  
"So why did you come here with me."  
  
"Maybe as you said. Looking for a place."  
  
"Huh. So don't tell me then. Listen, you got nice clothes, you wear an expensive aftershave and you fight hard, but you fight clean. Well almost, anyway. Seems to me you already got a place." Matthew took Jesse's plate. "Listen, you're welcome anytime, but right now I reckon someone's gotta be missing you."  
  
Jesse took the dismissal with a rueful smile and thought of Sanctuary. "Maybe," he agreed.  
  
"But not for the reasons you want them to?" Matthew asked. "Welcome to the club."  
  
*****  
  
As he drove back to Sanctuary, Jesse found his anger had given way to confusion. The one thought he was able to hold on to was the idea that there were always people worse off. His own problems were trivial compared to the trials of others, therefore he could work things out.  
  
Having stormed out in a fit of temper, he felt somewhat nervous about returning, and only hoped that the others wouldn't be too hard on him. He was sure they wouldn't; after all, he was always on the forgiving team when one of the others flew into orbit and he hadn't been the one to draw trouble.  
  
Of course knowing that didn't make him feel any better.  
  
The sensors at Sanctuary recognized him even without his ring, or maybe the car, or maybe someone was watching,. He hesitated by the Mustang for a few moments before steeling himself for whatever words they had to say to him. He had his own explanation set in his mind; that he was sorry, that he shouldn't have left like that, that he regretted that Shalimar had gotten hurt, that it wouldn't happen again, that he'd be more careful in future, that he'd just had an off day.  
  
He was more than a little surprised when the sound of running feet preceded Brennan barreling round the corner with Emma hard on his heels.  
  
"Out of the way!" Brennan snapped, one hand out ready to push him aside. Automatically, Jesse phased to allow them to run right through him, and immediately wished he hadn't. But neither of his team-mates looked back long enough to see the brief flash of agony before Jesse reasserted his control.  
  
He jogged up to the nerve center of Sanctuary where Shalimar and Adam were working furiously at the computers.  
  
"Asher's cornered!" Shalimar cried from her console. "What can we do?"  
  
"Ah, try street and buildings surveys, maybe sewers or air ducts! The other group is moving away, trying to track them. The Helix is in the air, ETA twenty minutes."  
  
"I've tried those and that's not enough time, Adam! I need - ah, got it! Asher, wait where you are! Samantha, Asher's on the other side of the wall to your east, can you 'port him to you? Great! Asher, power down, you don't want to drown Sam."  
  
The flurry of activity was intimidating but Jesse was confident he'd be able to step into the stream of things and pick up on whatever was going down. "What can I do?" he asked.  
  
"Stay out of the way!" Adam snapped, hands almost blurring over keyboard, and although the words hurt, Jesse had to concede that perhaps there wasn't time to bring him up to speed. So he looked around for anything he could do to help.  
  
Adam was alternating between two banks of computers, so Jesse neatly slid himself behind the one that showed the Safe House that was under attack, surveillance cameras revealing those they were supposed to protect running and fighting from black clothed men and women that looked remarkably like GSA Agents. With a short nod, Adam acknowledged his position, and the three of them continued to work seamlessly, helping the inexperienced mutants try and defend themselves at least until the Double Helix arrived.  
  
But with Emma and Brennan's arrival things only got worse. As if awaiting the arrival of Mutant X, the Safe House cameras died, leaving Jesse and Shalimar looking at screens that showed fuzzy snow. Neither Emma nor Brennan answered their coms although the audio those in Sanctuary heard was indicative of heavy fighting.  
  
When Jesse tried to bypass the regular system in the hopes it was just the server and not the cameras that had been fried, Adam shoved him out of the way to take over.  
  
As the moments passed and it became clear that there was going to be no more from the Safe House, Shalimar slammed her fist into the table in angry frustration. "I should have been there!" she hissed.  
  
"No, you shouldn't," Adam snapped back. "You'd have been a liability."  
  
Shalimar's eyes glowed feral gold and Jesse tried to soothe her. "Shal, you know - "  
  
"*You* should have been there!" she interrupted, turning on him. "You had no right taking off like that, and now we've lost Emma and Brennan. Adam, we have to get out to the Safe House, see if - "  
  
"No, Shalimar, we don't." Adam countered. "This was clearly a trap and I'm not sending you in to trip it again."  
  
"But we know-!"  
  
"Shalimar!" Adam stared her down until she left with a hiss and that familiar stride that always made Jesse think that if she had a tail it would be puffed up and rigid.  
  
He was torn between Adam and Shalimar, but settled on leaving her to cool down a little before risking getting his head chewed off again. Maybe he could get Adam to fill in the gaps.  
  
"Adam - "  
  
"Nice of you to show up!" Adam was clearly tense and worried. "Are you finished sulking?"  
  
The answer he'd had ready on the tip of his tongue vanished at the patronizing tone. He'd felt right at home working as part of the team, but now they were back to talking to each other without saying anything and Jesse had to get his point of view across. "I wasn't sulking!" Gee, that sounded grown up. He tried again. "I just-, I don't know-, I.." No, he couldn't, not with Adam glaring like that. Take the easy route. "I don't know that I belong here, I want more than being cooped up here, you know? I want to have just a little time when I can cut loose. I -" How to say this? "I was looking for somewhere else to go."  
  
"You don't have anywhere else to go!" Adam snapped back. "This is it!"  
  
Despite himself, Jesse felt the anger surge back up, his tone low and seething. "And that's where you're wrong," he snapped back and, regretting ever coming back to Sanctuary, he left.  
  
*****  
  
Driving away from Sanctuary this time, Jesse knew for certain that what he was doing was the right thing for his own sanity, for self-preservation, for his own sense of identity. Not to mention the whole thing that kicked this off, that made him shudder just thinking about it. And then that anger burning away, because everyone was just so damned dismissive of him.  
  
Everyone was up in arms when any of the others threw a strop, but oh no, Jesse's such a quiet boy, such a nice boy, leave him be and he'll get over it. No one was interested in why, and no one really wanted to listen when he tried to explain what was happening. You don't have anywhere else to go, Adam said, go practice somewhere that isn't here. Trapped and dismissed.  
  
And so he was left feeling like a child kicking up to get his parents' attention.  
  
Jesse sighed to himself. Sure he was behaving like a spoilt child.  
  
Shalimar was hurt, of course she was going to be out of sorts. For all that she was bouncing around the place like nothing had happened, less than twenty four hours previously she'd been shot in the head, and even her accelerated healing couldn't fix that overnight. And Adam, for all his stinging words, was trying to field a situation that was out of his control. Emma and Brennan were in trouble, and Adam would neither let the injured Shalimar out, nor leave her alone. And there he'd been, gone AWOL.  
  
Jesse slammed the steering wheel and took the next ramp onto the highway. They didn't need him for his useless powers; Brennan and Emma could get in and out of virtually anywhere. They didn't need him for his tech skills; Shalimar and Adam had taught him everything he knew. But right now, they did need an extra pair of hands.  
  
And that he would provide.  
  
He used the Mustang's coms unit to inform Adam that he was going to check out the Safe House.  
  
"And you'll come straight back after?" Adam's slightly uncertain tone made it half statement, half question.  
  
Shaking his head slightly, Jesse replied, "I don't think so. I'll check in every hour or so if you need me for anything." He turned the unit off before Adam could say anything else, anything that might guilt him into returning to the fold. He was sick of being one of Adam's sheep, and Adam was too damned good at emotional blackmail, both direct and indirect. The man himself he could just about resist, but he'd no doubt use Shalimar, and he could never resist her.  
  
But right now he had to resist, because he had to see to himself, both for his own sake and for the team's.  
  
*****  
  
Adam felt like banging his head against a brick wall until it fell off. He hated not being in control, and right now he felt chaotic and vulnerable. Shalimar was swinging between temper and affection faster than a cat in heat, and Jesse walking out in the middle of a crisis was so far against type Adam couldn't help wondering if he'd been a doppelganger. And who knew where Emma and Brennan were. And then there were the mutants who were supposed to have been under their protection.  
  
His control was failing and Adam did not like failing. He'd made too many mistakes in the past to even contemplate the possibility of failure. He had to deal with everything systematically and methodically and bring control back to him.  
  
Priorities, priorities.  
  
For now he had to trust that Jesse would do exactly as he'd said. He hadn't wanted to send anyone else to the Safe house, but Jesse wasn't going to be stopped. No use worrying about him for now. He could also eliminate the captured mutants as they were gone beyond his scope to track them down. Wherever Emma and Brennan were, their rings were not with them, that much his computers told him. Hence he couldn't track them either.  
  
So Shalimar and the other safe houses were the only things left. He had to get Shalimar to take things easy, to stop pushing herself when any sensible mutant should be in bed sleeping it off. Then he could work on trying to upgrade the other safe houses' security, because if the enemy had found two, he must have specific information. Some of the small groups could be moved to the next 'station' in the underground, some to alternative accommodation. But first Shalimar.  
  
And talk of the devil.  
  
She was standing in the doorway. "Anything I can do?" she asked.  
  
"Yes," said Adam. "Rest. Now. No arguments."  
  
"But-"  
  
"But nothing! I want you well as soon as possible, because right now there aren't enough of us to cover all bases, and I'm not sending you out with that dent in your skull."  
  
Shalimar took a deep breath. "You're right Adam, I will. But I had an idea that maybe we could have the computers start working on."  
  
Adam hesitated. When Shalimar was thinking with her head and not her instincts, she usually had pretty good ideas. "What idea?" he asked.  
  
"Asher's girlfriend, what was her name? Not Samantha."  
  
"No, uh." Adam thought a moment. "Helen, Helen Eisser. She's a - uh. uh."  
  
"Vibrator." Shalimar batted her eyes innocently making her look anything but. "Remember we had problems with her."  
  
"Yes, yes, I see where you're leading. At rest, she resonates at a harmonic frequency of. it'll take time of course, but we can."  
  
Adam's mind latched onto the fact that he could do something constructive. Set scanners up and have them running while he dealt with the safe houses.  
  
"Adam?" Shalimar asked.  
  
"Yes?" he answered distractedly.  
  
"I, uh. I'll go take a nap in the lab. That way you don't have to keep waking me up."  
  
Adam's mind quickly changed track as he agreed. Shalimar had to be kept an eye on to make sure there was no concussion, although it was probably a bit late for that with the way she healed. But the lab sensors would alert him if there were anything amiss.  
  
As quickly, his attention went back to setting up the computers and he didn't hear her go.  
  
*****  
  
Brennan simmered, outraged at his simple capture, outraged at Emma being manhandled in front of him, and his sense of machismo violated at being held helpless by a five foot nothing little mutant bitch. Apparently her power involved absorbing energy, any energy and releasing it elsewhere. So he'd tried overloading her and, securely earthed, she'd taken everything he had to give and then proceeded to take his normal energy, leaving him weaker than a newborn kitten.  
  
Emma, on the other hand, had been dealt with by a walking psionic shield and had short circuited herself out.  
  
But the most worrying thing of all had been the fact that there had clearly been a mutant available specifically to take out each Mutant X member.  
  
Brennan cried out in protest now, though, because Ashlocke had the groggy Emma in his grasp, looking at her, holding her gaze with an almost tangible intensity.  
  
And then she kissed him, with all the passion of a lover.  
  
*****  
  
There were three significant things that Jesse found at the safe house. Apart from the fact that there were no bodies - a good thing in Jesse's view, indicative that everyone was at least still alive - the first was the complete absence of clues. Considering there had been a small war going on here just an hour earlier, while there was plenty of evidence from the new mutants defending themselves, there was nothing from their assailants.  
  
The second significant finding was the pair of plain silver rings left neatly on the only intact piece of furniture remaining, a small side table in the middle of the lounge area.  
  
And the third significant thing was the Double Helix parked outside, looking quite odd in stealth mode but with the door wide open.  
  
He reported in to Adam as promised.  
  
"Jesse, we need the Helix back here."  
  
"No, Adam, I told you. You or Shalimar can pick it up later."  
  
"Shalimar needs you here too, Jesse. She's not exactly a hundred per cent."  
  
"No." Jesse felt his resolve slipping. Adam never lied to them, but did choose his words carefully. "She'll be fine. I'll call in later." And again, he shut Adam off. He left Emma and Brennan's rings in the Double Helix and locked it up to go and find somewhere else to spend the night.  
  
*****  
  
Finally, after all these years of dreaming, Emma had found her knight in shining armor. How she could ever have thought that Gabriel was a menace to anyone was beyond her. Adam was so very wrong in his assessment, and Shalimar had clearly never understood.  
  
Here was someone, a man, a shit hot man, who had the ability to shield her from the world, keep her protected and safe from other men's thoughts, allow her to regain some of the self-respect she lost every time someone mentally stripped her.  
  
Here was a man who asked so very little, yet promised the world.  
  
And there was absolutely no question that she would give him exactly what he asked for.  
  
*****  
  
As Jesse approached Haven, he couldn't help but think that where he'd left the Mustang was probably not the best place on the planet. An alley round the back of a dubious looking nightclub called 'Chain Gang' was just asking for the wheels to have been removed the minute he was out of sight.  
  
He'd looked around for a proper parking spot for a while before deciding to give up and leave it there, going on the premise that he had to get over this controlling sense of responsibility. It wasn't like he was being irresponsible with people's lives, after all. It was just a heap of metal, rubber and leather, and as Brennan would say, Adam could afford it.  
  
But he'd never be rid of Sanctuary's chains if he kept trying to please Adam. In fact, just the concept of worrying about the car proved that he'd never really left.  
  
The first person he met just outside Haven was Jamie.  
  
"Hey, how's it hanging?" Jesse asked, not really certain of his welcome but hoping they'd let him borrow a corner for the night. He could easily book into a motel or something, but wanted to be with people who had no expectations, in fact had negative expectations that he might or might not fill. People with whom he could relax, chill out, without worrying about Brennan trying to get one up on him, Emma getting in his head, Shalimar getting under his skin or Adam judging him.  
  
"Good," replied Jamie, the palsied slur pronounced but words intelligible. "Thanks for helping me."  
  
"No problem. You okay?"  
  
"Yes. Rachel gave me her magic potion. Great stuff. Much better."  
  
"Magic potion, huh?" Jesse asked with raised eyebrow and Jamie laughed. "Matthew around?"  
  
"Sure. In the machine shop."  
  
They low-fived and Jesse jogged up into Haven. He bumped into Rachel almost immediately.  
  
"You're back. Forget something?"  
  
"No," Jesse replied with a smile. "Hoping to talk with Matthew actually. Is he around?"  
  
"Machine shop." She waved over to the other side of the fire.  
  
"Thanks," he smiled again at her and made to move away.  
  
"Wait," she said. "Are you staying for a while?"  
  
Jesse shrugged. "I hope so."  
  
Rachel looked at him speculatively and nodded sharply. "I'll get you something hot."  
  
"You don't have to." But he was talking to empty air.  
  
Jesse found Matthew tinkering with a large engine. Too big for a car, it looked as though it might have come from a truck of some description, although machinery like this was not something Jesse knew a whole lot about.  
  
At Jesse's enquiring look, Matthew laughed and explained. "Fix it up, sell it second hand. Won't get us much, but more than if we just left it lying about. Gives us something to do besides staring at the walls too."  
  
"Wow," Jesse said, because there really wasn't anything else to say.  
  
Matthew wiped his hands on a dirty cloth. "So, I guess this isn't a social visit?" he said. "Or is it?"  
  
Jesse shrugged awkwardly. "Was wondering if you'd mind if I borrowed a spare corner somewhere for a couple of nights."  
  
"Trouble?" Matthew's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I'm not having you bring down - "  
  
"No! Nononono! Nothing like that. Kinda -" Jesse thought for a moment. "I guess you could call it family problems. I just want to be away somewhere. I guess somewhere normal, where I don't have to be what others expect of me all the time."  
  
Matthew looked incredulous. "Normal? And you came here?"  
  
Scrubbing a hand through his hair, Jesse chuckled nervously. "Hard to explain."  
  
"Wanna try?" Matthew said, guiding him over to the fire.  
  
Taking a seat Jesse found a mug of steaming chocolate shoved in his hand. As Rachel strode away, Matthew frowned at his own mug and remarked, "She must like you."  
  
"Mmm." Jesse was non-committal as he took a sip of the steaming drink. It was pretty damned good, and it wasn't too many minutes of companionable silence before he began to feel warn and mellow, relaxing for the first time in what must have been forever.  
  
"So, you were going to explain why you're here? You only met us, what, less than twelve hours ago."  
  
"I know, and I don't really understand it, which is part of the problem. I think. in some ways you make me feel normal, which is nice, really nice."  
  
"Excuse me?" For the second time, Matthew's eyes got big with surprise and almost accusation.  
  
"No, not like you think." Jesse was quick to defend himself. "What I mean is, you guys have such a tough time, you have a lot of problems, but you're living with them and dealing with them. You're not only managing to survive, but actually live too. and it all makes my own problems seem so, so. normal, trivial I guess."  
  
"Okay, I'm not liking this, but I'm getting a feel for where you're from. I should warn you that coming here to make yourself feel normal isn't exactly a reason to make us welcome you with open arms."  
  
"I know, but it's more than that." Jesse was struggling to find the words now.  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"It is, because in other ways, more importantly for me, you guys are normal, or at least, what should be, in terms of family, I mean, you don't, you just..." Jesse frowned as his mind grew increasingly fuzzy. "You don't judge people you know? Just take 'em how they are.' Everything was slip- sliding now and the mug crashed to the floor. Good job there wasn't much chocolate left, thought Jesse as he kind of slipped sideways up.  
  
Matthew was talking to him, talking about getting him outside, but Jesse really didn't think that was a good idea because his knees weren't working, but then he was being carried outside and damn, but it was cold!  
  
The fresh air woke him up some, and Matthew was slapping his face while others stood around. "Hey, I'm fine! I'm good!" He waved them away and got unsteadily to his feet. "God, what happened?" Things were still swimming around, kind of like that time Brennan had drunk him under the table.  
  
Matthew was in front of him again, checking him over. "You'll be okay, man, sleep it off. Just one of Rachel's little pranks." Matthew sounded seriously pissed, and Rachel was there, cold and mocking.  
  
"Sleeping?" she sneered. "Oh no, not this one, his daymares are coming out to play. It'll do him good to have people treat him as a freak for a few hours."  
  
"He didn't deserve this, Rachel. Now we'll have to take care of him. We could have had him just curl up in a corner somewhere, but oh, no, you just had to meddle."  
  
Hum, thought Jesse tiredly, reminds me of home.  
  
*****  
  
Brennan struggled violently when Ashlocke eventually deigned to turn his attentions upon him. He spat and cursed, using every vile invective he knew, but he knew he was onto a loser. He even tried closing his eyes, but Ashlocke still invaded his brain, still violated every thought and feeling.  
  
Violated his love for Shalimar with ruthless precision.  
  
Made him see how wrong he'd been.  
  
Made him see how much Gabriel cared for his people, how he only wanted all mutants to take their rightful place alongside the humans of the world.  
  
Confirmed his belief that Shalimar belonged here with Gabriel, as his Queen.  
  
*****  
  
Shalimar stretched lazily as she surfaced from a deep sleep, but had to catch herself when she almost fell off the bench that she had used as a bed.  
  
As memory returned, she touched her scalp. Tender and sore, it was far better than it had been previously and she could only marvel at the upgrade in her ability to heal. Hungry and thirsty, she detoured via the kitchen on her way to the command center.  
  
Adam was poring over data, and Shalimar was doubtful that he had gotten any rest.  
  
"Anything?" she asked, as she sipped at a glass of warm milk.  
  
Adam leaned back, cracking the stiffness from his spine. "No," he said, "not yet. There have been some possibilities, but it's very slow going."  
  
"No word from any of the others?"  
  
Adam shook his head. "No. I don't think Ashlocke will harm them as such - he wants you and I too badly. But at the same time, the possibilities of what he can do to them without damage is astounding, and that's what worries me."  
  
"I know," said Shalimar flatly, recalling with a shudder the feel of his mind in hers. She hated that feeling.  
  
And loved it.  
  
"Of course, I'm sorry," Adam rubbed at his eyes.  
  
"Why don't I go get the Helix?" Shalimar suggested, itching to get outside.  
  
"You sure you're up to it?" Adam looked at her assessingly.  
  
"Yes, Adam," she smiled. "Now, stop fussing, okay?"  
  
"Okay. But take care. "  
  
"Always."  
  
The sleek motorcycle was one of Shalimar's main vices and she loved its speed and lithe maneuverability, so similar in character to her own. She found the Double Helix with no trouble and stowed the bike on board before taking the Helix into the air.  
  
She was quick to scan for homing signals, picking up the Mustang's almost immediately. Parking the Helix on top of the Chain Gang, she made her way down to the car. Far from the pristine black it had been, it was artistically spray-painted and up on bricks.  
  
More importantly than that, she could sense Jesse. His scent was hours old, but clear.  
  
With a cruel feral smile, she followed her nose with determined steps.  
  
*****  
  
Jesse could feel the drug running around his system like ants marching through his veins, could almost see them, enough that he was scratching at bare skin with compulsive revulsion. Some of the others tried to get him inside, but he preferred the cold which kept his senses a bit sharper, and he really didn't want to be forced to lie down.  
  
Fuck, but he felt like he was going to explode, couldn't do that now, couldn't cut loose, couldn't let everything go, had to keep control or Adam would never forgive him. And he'd already hurt Shalimar, couldn't hurt her again and he would if he took the final step he was so scared of.  
  
But it hurt him too much to keep control. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, he had to keep control, seconds breeding and multiplying like the marching ants, their tiny feet marking time, perfect and in control.  
  
And the pain was too much. The pain he'd lived with every day of his damned life, the pain that grew with every passing day that made it harder and harder to mass at will, to phase at will, to keep himself in one constant state in between. And if he lost control, if he couldn't cope anymore, then he'd have failed Adam and Shalimar, and he couldn't do that. And if his power became uncontrollable, then he'd have to submit to the sub-dermal governor so he didn't hurt anyone, and he'd become to all intents and purposes a normal human, in which case he'd be of no more use to Adam and he'd have failed and Adam would have to let him go.  
  
And then he'd have no one who cared at all.  
  
And then he'd have no one to care for at all.  
  
No more control  
  
Freedom.  
  
*****  
  
Shalimar watched the scene below with interest. She could sense the people that inhabited the sprawling building whose fire escape she was perched upon, but none were close enough to cause her concern.  
  
As she looked down, the small crowd dissipated to leave a couple of men with Jesse, who seemed to be curled in on himself. The two men were not threatening her friend, seemed to be more intent on cajoling him inside.  
  
She let herself fall smoothly to the ground, landing with silent grace before stalking towards them.  
  
"Can I help?" she asked, making both the standing men jump.  
  
"Who are you?" the shorter one asked, belligerently.  
  
"A friend of his." She nodded towards Jesse. "So, what's happening?"  
  
"He drank something he shouldn't have," the taller man said," not his fault, but we're trying to get him inside to sleep it off."  
  
"Shal?" Jesse was picking himself off the ground and Shalimar helped him up.  
  
"I'm here, Jesse. You want to come home?"  
  
He pulled himself away from her and Shalimar was unnerved by the suspicious glare he was giving her. "No. Oh no. Nononono."  
  
"No what, Jesse? Whatever it is, we can help."  
  
"No. You can't be here." He was starting to giggle a little. "I'm free. You're - you can't be here. You can't take my freedom away from me. Leave me alone!" And he was crying too. Laughing and crying and pushing her away and her heart was breaking. She had to force him to come home. Adam could help him.  
  
Wishing she could channel Emma, Shalimar tried to project reassurance, warmth and concern, moving towards her friend and planning to knock him out if necessary.  
  
If it had been anyone else, she would have acted upon the move that was telegraphed so clearly to one with her senses, but she didn't believe it until his foot was flying towards her head.  
  
In the nick of time she ducked, and instinct told her to back off, as if from a cornered animal. He was crouched opposite her, his whole demeanor screaming for her to get away from him. "I'm not going, and you can't make me."  
  
Shalimar tried a different tactic. "What about Emma and Brennan, Jess? They're your friends too and they could be in trouble, they need you."  
  
"That's not true. Not true," Jesse laughed, dashing away leaking tears. "Emma can nuke an entire army, and Brennan, he doesn't need anyone, can get out of any mess he's in. They're fine. They don't need me, you don't need me. And that's good, because I don't want you, don't want this, need to be free." And he was stumbling backwards, his hands making pushing motions to keep her away.  
  
"Jesse." She couldn't help the anguish in her voice, she felt things too keenly. "You're making no sense, I don't understand."  
  
The taller of the two men who had been watching the exchange told her, "You'd better go. We'll take care of him. He'll be himself in the morning." He paused. "You want to give me number we can contact you on?"  
  
"Sure." Seeing no indication of a lie in the young man, Shalimar gave him a cell phone number and forced herself to stand back and observe from the shadows.  
  
She watched as Jesse ranted and raved and beat the living daylights out of the trash and debris that littered the place, watched as he howled a private grief that tore her apart, watched as the two men eventually half- carried the exhausted young man into their home.  
  
And she really wasn't crying when she started back towards the Double Helix  
  
*****  
  
Everything was running away from Jesse, the ground spinning in corkscrews while the very air was sucked into the distance. He knew he was hallucinating when Shalimar came, because this was his destination and she didn't belong there. And then they were tying him down.  
  
Phasing through his bonds might have been a good idea, but his head was in a place where he didn't have his powers anymore and that was a good place except he couldn't escape from it. The faces were alien and pitying and sorrowful and he didn't want that, but at least they weren't disappointed, and they didn't try and hurt him, they were just holding him down, and he could get out of this if he really wanted to but oh god, he was so tired, so sleepy and he needed to get over this exhaustion but his dreams were full of friends screaming for help he couldn't give them.  
  
*****  
  
As she approached the 'Chain Gang', Shalimar's senses prickled a warning. She couldn't make sense of what she was feeling, though - there was both friend and foe about, but they seemed mingled, unclear.  
  
She stood in the lamplight, tensed, ready for anything and scanned the shadows. A familiar figure stepped into the ring of light and Shalimar relaxed slightly.  
  
"Emma, you're okay!" She smiled hesitantly, something still grating on her nerves. Emma looked calm and in control, not at all like someone who had ostensibly been kidnapped a few hours before. And there was someone else still hiding. "Brennan?" she called and, as if in response, he too stepped forward, playing with a small ball of electricity in his hands.  
  
And still something wasn't right. "Are you guys okay?" Shalimar asked as she felt her senses swell in her efforts to try and gather as much information of her surroundings as possible.  
  
"We're fine," Emma said brightly. "More than fine. But we need you to come with us."  
  
"Where? What for?" Shalimar asked, backing away slightly towards the wall as her two teammates slowly spread apart in a classic pincer movement.  
  
"We've found some stuff on Gabriel," Brennan said. "We think you should come and see."  
  
That was when Shalimar knew that Gabriel was in their minds and she pounced.  
  
Emma was taken by surprise as Shalimar leapt at her. She'd known the attack would come, but had fully expected that Brennan would be the target of her attack given Shalimar's normal modus operandi of going for the strongest first.  
  
They fell to the ground, Emma's breath whooshing out of her lungs as she landed flat on her back.  
  
Then Shalimar was off and away up the walls to the Helix. Brennan let loose his lightning bolt and the metal railings of the fire escape that the feral was using lit up with blue sparks. With a cry Shalimar fell to the ground, and a momentary panic overwhelmed Emma. Gabriel would punish them if Shalimar were harmed in any way.  
  
But a quick exam showed that the blonde seemed to be just stunned. Brennan lifted her easily and tenderly, and they took her home to Gabriel.  
  
*****  
  
Adam listened helplessly to the entire exchange. And the readouts that the computer was giving caused his despair to grow as they told him that Helen Eisser's resting resonance was not as unique as they'd hoped.  
  
There was only him now.  
  
And Jesse.  
  
He had to get Jesse on his feet and listening to reason. He didn't understand why the young man had gone off the rails as he had, but he needed him, and was more than prepared to listen to him - when they had the time.  
  
For the moment, though, perhaps the fact that Shalimar was now also in trouble would be enough.  
  
Finding the 'Chain Gang' and what remained of the Mustang behind it, Adam was understandably reticent about leaving the BMW there. But the signal that led to Shalimar's ring, left to mark the way, prompted him to forget about the car.  
  
Unlike his team, it was replaceable.  
  
*****  
  
Shalimar stretched awake, enjoying the fur coverings soft and sensual against her skin. Eyes half slit open, she was momentarily disoriented as she realized that she was not in her own room. Too late, sound and scent kicked in alarm bells warning that an enemy was about as Gabriel surged over her, carefully never touching, yet caging her on elbows and knees.  
  
One hand toyed with a stray lock of her hair and she felt the pull of his need and, she shuddered at the thought, love.  
  
There was no doubt in her mind that in his own sick way, Gabriel did love her. And the part of her that responded to him knew that if things had been different, there might been. well, things just might have been different.  
  
A slight movement in the corner, and she could see Emma and Brennan standing close to each other in the corner, Brennan's arm about Emma's waist, Emma's head against Brennan's shoulder, in a manner far more intimate than they'd ever have shown at Sanctuary. And Shalimar just knew that what she was seeing was Gabriel's influence, nothing more.  
  
But it sickened her.  
  
Not only were their minds being violated, but also their friendship.  
  
"Look at me." Gabriel's voice was as soft and irresistible as the firm touch against her cheek, forcing her gaze to meet his.  
  
She knew she was fighting a losing battle as he invaded her mind and, as she fought, she could feel him manipulating already fragile emotions, bullying thoughts and opinions. When he kissed her, one part could not resist and met him full force, but the other wilder, feral part of her was repulsed.  
  
Yet, when Gabriel asked her how to get to Adam, it was the passion-led human side that told him that Adam would no doubt be following her trail to find Jesse.  
  
*****  
  
Adam knew full well the power of his aura as he strode through Haven. People made way for him without question, silently acknowledging a leader - if not their own, a leader nonetheless.  
  
He catalogued the visible symptoms of each person he saw, and thought how ironic it was that these people were exactly those that would have benefited from Genomex as it should have been. That these very people would now be coping with Mutancies not disabilities, that these people were the flip side of that coin.  
  
He came to the fire and softly asked for the blond blue-eyed boy he was looking for. An angry young woman led him to the cot where a sleeping Jesse lay. A dark haired young man was undoing straps that had held Jesse down and, checking him over, Adam concluded that while his sleep was restless, at least now it was natural.  
  
The dark haired young man had wise eyes older than his years, and needed no spoken word to clear the tiny area.  
  
Left alone, Adam gently shook Jesse awake.  
  
"Wha-? Ah, hell. "  
  
Adam couldn't help grinning a little as Jesse pulled the pillow over his head as he'd done as a teenager after one of his rare rebellious moments.  
  
"Jesse, Jess, come on." Adam gently tugged the pillow away until Jesse looked at him with glazed blood-shot eyes.  
  
"Lemmelone," Jesse grunted, snatching at the pillow that Adam held away from him.  
  
"Keep still and let me look at you." Adam's tone took on a paternal tone that brooked no argument, one that Jesse, in his current state, grumbled about but obeyed. "What have you taken, do you know?"  
  
"Hmmm?" Jesse eyes wandered around, as unfocussed as his limbs were uncoordinated.  
  
"Jesse! Answer me!" Adam realized he was shaking the younger man slightly, though he didn't recall gripping his shoulder's so tightly.  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"You're hurting him!"  
  
Adam glanced to the side where the dark haired young man - someone had called him Matthew, hadn't they? - and the proud young woman were crowded by the curtain, but his focus remained on Jesse.  
  
Matthew gripped one wrist firmly. "It was an accident. He drank some chocolate with some stuff in it."  
  
"What stuff!" Adam tried to tamp down his worry. Drugs in a normal system were bad enough, who knew what they'd do to an enhanced biology?  
  
"Rachel?" Matthew directed the question the woman, who sighed and reeled off the ingredients of her concoction.  
  
Adam breathed a sigh of relief. There was nothing there that was likely to cause Jesse any problems, but he needed to get the young man up and on his feet. Even hungover, Jesse would be better help than no help.  
  
"Coffee," he said. "Strong and lots of it."  
  
*****  
  
Brennan held Emma close as they watched over Shalimar, a fuzzy warm feeling inside where he had never thought himself capable of feeling so content. Gabriel was the true sanctuary from the world.  
  
And here he got to take care of Shalimar, the woman who meant the world to him. And he was adored by Emma, vulnerable and powerful, just as he liked.  
  
What more could a man want?  
  
*****  
  
Two hours later, and Adam was trying hard not to the think about time ticking by. Caffeine and lots of water had done their work, and Jesse was looking far more human and starting to become more lucid and grouchy. There had been a while there when Adam had been thrown back to a time, not really so many years ago, when he'd held Jesse as he'd done today, one arm round his chest, the other hand rubbing soothing circles on his back as the child, the young man, had retched violently into a bucket, and he realized how much he missed the children Jesse and Shalimar had been.  
  
But as Jesse stirred now, heels of his hands rubbing his eyes as he groaned, Adam saw both how much and how little Jesse had changed. Right now he looked like that sick little boy who tried too hard at everything, despite the haggard appearance, the stubble and lank too long hair.  
  
"Jesus, what hit me?" Jesse moaned as he squinted against the dim light and tried to sit up, wincing at pulled muscles.  
  
"A loaded mug of chocolate by all accounts."  
  
Jesse scrubbed a hand through his hair, "You always did say sugar was bad for us."  
  
"Yeah, I did." Adam quelled the impatience that wanted to get them moving. He had a boy, rather a young man, who was obviously hurting for some reason, and he needed to at least make a step forward with that before he could drag Jesse back onto the battlefield with some assurance that they could focus on the job to be done. "So, why here? This place?" he asked looking about.  
  
Jesse sat up properly, tugging his rumpled clothes into place as he glanced about him. "I don't know really," he shrugged. "It just isn't -" He shrugged again, refusing to meet Adam's eyes.  
  
"Isn't what? Home?"  
  
"Isn't Sanctuary." Jesse sighed, looking at Adam directly for a brief instant before turning his attention to doing up his boots.  
  
Adam paused a moment, unable to ignore his own hurt feelings at that statement. "Is it really that bad? I know you don't get out much, but there's worse."  
  
Jesse looked about pointedly, then leaned forward. "I know," he said slowly and clearly.  
  
And for the life of him, Adam could not interpret what Jesse was trying to tell him.  
  
"So." Jesse got to his feet, a wall of defiance and sarcasm between them that from Shalimar or Brennan would have been expected. "You taking me back to Sanctuary? Send me to bed without any supper?"  
  
Adam's already thin patience chose that moment to snap. "I only wish I had that luxury. Right now you are the only help I have to get not only Emma and Brennan, who you have so lightly dismissed, but also Shalimar from Gabriel Ashlocke's hands. And I am finding it difficult to deal with that as well as a grown man who sees fit to behave like a spoilt child!"  
  
"Then stop treating me like a child!" Jesse roared back, and Adam, blinded by temper and impotent worry dug for words to lash out with, to hurt.  
  
But he would be forever thankful that they were interrupted by the communal fire exploding.  
  
*****  
  
Shalimar twisted and tugged remorselessly at the ropes that bound her to the bed. Gabriel had taken off after Adam, while Emma and Brennan just stood there, like. like a goddamned pair of, of lumps. She growled in frustration at her inability to get anywhere.  
  
If she was going to do anything it had to be now, while Gabriel wasn't in her head, and before he got to Adam. Snarling, she concentrated on forcing herself to relax then, after a few moments, she tried a different tactic.  
  
"Emma?" she called. "Do you think I could, uh. I need to, um, you know?" She flinched as Emma looked at her in that way, the way she never thought would be aimed at her, and all of a sudden, barren deserts and droughts flooded her mind.  
  
"Um, that's great, sweetie," she rasped, "but now I could really use a glass of water."  
  
With an impatient snort Emma went to get a glass, leaving her alone with Brennan. This had possibilities.  
  
"You couldn't loosen this a little, could you? My wrist is kinda sore." That was no lie, she'd rubbed herself raw.  
  
"That's an old trick, Shal. Don't even bother." Brennan stood and stretched, but didn't come any nearer.  
  
"Actually, it's not a trick," she said ruefully looking at her other, equally sore wrist. "I don't think Gabriel's going to like it too much."  
  
"Shal, I'm not letting you go. You belong here. With us. With me." "Brennan, look at me. I mean really look at me." Shalimar put all the sincerity she could into her vice. "In all the time we've known each other, have I ever lied to you? Even when you were going off on one, did I ever try and get you back with lies?"  
  
The tall young man stared silently at her, and Shalimar had no idea if he was listening. She trusted that he was, because Emma would be back very soon. "Brennan, I promise you, by everything I hold dear, that if you loosen these ropes, just a little, I will not try to hurt you, I will not try to escape. I promise."  
  
Too slowly, Brennan moved towards her and leant down to loosen the blood- flecked knots on one wrist. Shalimar could hear Emma's footsteps returning and tried her damndest to hold back her impatience until the knots on the other wrist were loosened.  
  
Brennan straightened up, and with no time to be delicate she let loose with a kick right where it hurt. She refused to feel guilty as he doubled over in excruciating agony and worked on her wrists, freeing them as Emma came in.  
  
Shalimar had neither time nor inclination to stand and fight, instead trusting to her luck and skills, diving straight out the window before Emma's blast could find its target.  
  
"Sorry Brennan," she said to the air, "but there's a first time for everything."  
  
*****  
  
Gabriel looked about him and was pleased. Human freaks, ripe for the picking, cowered in the shadows, ran away into the darkness while he and his associates surveyed the ruins of the communal area.  
  
Adam was here somewhere, he knew it. It was just the kind of place that meddling do-gooder would use to find willing guinea pigs to treat and make 'better'.  
  
He really wasn't in the mood to play cat and mouse in a building he didn't know, although razing it to the ground might be fun. So, he roared out Adam's name.  
  
And Adam came, flanked by his molecular, plus a woman and a younger man he'd never seen before. The younger man edged towards one the freaks, a boy he called Jamie.  
  
And Gabriel smiled. He had his ammunition.  
  
With a flash of his eyes, the woman and Jamie were lying on the ceiling face down towards the fire, which was slowly dying but still strong enough to burn them both alive before anyone could help them.  
  
Gabriel was satisfied with his situation and dismissed his flunkies, not needing to share his glory with them. Finally turning his attention to Adam, he said, "You know what I want, Adam."  
  
*****  
  
"Any ideas?" Jesse spoke low, and Adam just shook his head.  
  
"Can't risk these people, I'll have to go with him."  
  
"How brave and noble, Adam," Gabriel sneered from his stance by the fire. "But don't forget your pet molecular gets to come too. I want the complete set."  
  
"What's he talking about? Who is he?" Matthew's whispered voice was urgent and demanding.  
  
Knowing Ashlocke could do virtually anything, Jesse mouthed silently to Matthew, "Put the fire out," and was gratified when the young man moved away back towards the windows, gathering people on the way.  
  
Adam had already read some of the situation and was talking to Gabriel, stalling him until the fire was out. Gabriel's concentration was taken up with Adam and his two prisoners and he apparently didn't notice the quiet work going on there, the hissing of drowning flames merging with crackle and spit of the still burning blaze. But as they were only clearing a way to the area below their friends, maybe they could get away with it.  
  
Jesse was betting that Adam didn't know how he was going to take Gabriel down. His head was still aching, but the first time in a long time he was thinking clearly. And what he was about to do would be his own make or break. He had no illusions about killing Gabriel. It was unlikely that he'd be able to do so, but what he was aiming to do was take the monster out of the game.  
  
Matthew waved from behind Gabriel and Jesse stalked forward, his heart in his mouth as he tried to prepare for what was to come. Predictably, the powerful mutant switched his attention from Adam to Jesse, flinging his favourite energy bolts.  
  
Jesse simply smiled and massed, never breaking stride as the old familiar pain washed through him like a welcome home.  
  
Narrowing his eyes, Gabriel threatened his captives and Rachel fell into the waiting arms of her friends. Jesse was almost there as Gabriel switched tactics and Jamie screamed.  
  
Gritting his teeth, Jesse raised both arms as though to strangle Gabriel. And as if suddenly realizing that Jesse was right there, right in front of his nose, Gabriel switched his focus entirely to him, leaving Jamie to drop down with a yell.  
  
From his many sparring matches with Emma, Jesse recognized the look in Gabriel's eyes that telegraphed his psionic intent. Letting out his breath, he switched from massed to phased and grabbed hold of Gabriel's shoulders, the psionic blast charging straight through him as they both sank through the floor. It hurt, but knowing he wasn't done, he tamped the pain down.  
  
But he was out of breath from holding the mass a little too long. He felt the ground floor approaching and solidified enough to take a long breath, enough for Gabriel to break away and fire a blast, which again passed through harmlessly as he phased himself. And the floor, and everything below him as far as he could reach and further. And the pain grew with it, as every cell ripped apart from every other cell in his body and mind. Muscle, bones and sinew shredding while organs tore with his self- evisceration.  
  
He let go with everything he had, with fading vision, watching Gabriel falling down and down and away from them all. And the stupid egotist, with all the powers at his disposal, chose to fall shooting sparks. If he'd only used his defensive powers Jesse probably wouldn't have stood a chance, but Gabriel's instincts were geared towards the offensive, and that was his undoing.  
  
Jesse screamed again and again as the pain grew, and he didn't know when or how to stop, only that he was giving more and more. And maybe he really would dissipate, maybe this was it, this was the rest of his existence.  
  
But a reflexive inhalation and, like a rubber band, everything snapped back into place and he was left screaming on the floor.  
  
*****  
  
Shalimar could hear screaming from three blocks away. A woman, a child, Gabriel and Jesse, all of them. But Emma and Brennan were still trying to catch her. She had the advantage in that they didn't want to hurt her, but evading either one was hard enough. With both it was almost impossible.  
  
But she was working on the principle that she only needed to keep ahead of them, not evade them entirely, at least until she could get to Adam. Then she would be in a position to revise her battle strategy appropriately.  
  
In the meantime, she was careful to avoid metal railings and open spaces.  
  
*****  
  
Adam was at the front as the large group of people ran down the stairs to the ground floor. He was in time to see Gabriel fall while a chaotic phased Jesse knelt on the same chaotic phased floor, an ability symptomatic of his powers; he could choose when to fall through his own phasing, something that stood him in good stead now.  
  
But Adam had to warn the people away, before they could fall down into the rough shaft Jesse had made. The cries of agony that reverberated round the walls echoed in his skull and in his heart, and he was reminded of the little boy who was constantly sick because his uncontrollable powers hurt so much.  
  
He tried calling for Jesse to stop, to pull back, but clearly went unheard. The molecular had long exceeded his theoretical threshold for complete dispersal, and Adam was very much afraid that he might not be able to stop, or even if he managed, what state he'd be in.  
  
For varying reasons, everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the floor returned to normal with Jesse kneeling on it, doubled over.  
  
"Jesse? Jess?" Adam knelt next to the gasping mutant who clutched at his middle, afraid to touch him, afraid of causing more pain. Matthew and Rachel? stood by too, and Adam hoped that maybe they'd be able to offer some comfort.  
  
Jesse's breathing slowly calmed and he lifted his head, obviously exhausted, the haggard features making him seem far older than his years. His mouth worked to say something, but no words came.  
  
Instead, Matthew spoke, his tone colored by fear and hatred. "You're the only freak in this place," he said. "You brought danger here, and you're not even human." He spat on the floor in front of Jesse.  
  
"I'm sorry about giving you hallucinogens," Rachel added softly. "I should have made it hemlock."  
  
As they walked away, leaving the two men alone, Adam hoped that somehow Jesse might not have heard, but the naked anguish told him the words had bitten deep. Deciding that Jesse's internal pain needed healing far more than any external pain, Adam put his arms around the shuddering young man, and was relieved when he allowed him, following and falling into him so that Adam was holding him close.  
  
Jesse was trembling now, from shock or exhaustion or both, and held onto Adam's shirt with a white knuckled fist. "It hurts, oh God, it hurts." Jesse gasping words implied the plea to make it stop, and Adam just wished he could.  
  
"I know, Jess," he said, hugging the boy to him. "It never stopped hurting, did it?" He didn't need for Jesse to agree to know that, and to know that he should never have forgotten it, should have known that that was the core reason for not only Jesse having trouble getting a handle on his new powers, but for his feelings of neglect by the man who had taken over the father role from Noah.  
  
He mentally kicked himself for the way they all, including himself, took Jesse's powers for granted. Just because he was of a personality type not to make a fuss. Would believe that he shouldn't have to. And Adam had let him down. But never again.  
  
"We'll get through this, Jesse, it'll be all right. I've got you now." He felt the wire taught muscles slowly relax and go limp as Jesse let go and passed out.  
  
*****  
  
Shalimar crouched on the ledge of the broken window. She could feel Gabriel still, feel his anger from somewhere very far away. But for the time being, his reign was broken. She watched Adam and Jesse alone on the concrete floor, had heard the exchange with the Haven freaks and had had to restrain herself from ripping their ungrateful heads off.  
  
Almost silently she hopped down to the floor and walked slowly over to the two men, wanting to offer her support, see that they were all right, yet not wanting to break the moment of bonding, something that had been happening far too rarely between the two in recent months.  
  
Halfway across the floor she heard Emma and Brennan catch up with her, and spun into a defensive crouch, ready to take them on in a full-on fight.  
  
"Wh- what's going on?" Brennan asked, rubbing at his eyes as he sank to the floor. "And, how did I get here?"  
  
"Oh God, I think I have to have the world's worst hangover," moaned Emma, as she stumbled in through the doorway. "Please tell me I didn't." She looked at Brennan aghast, who returned her look with an almost identically horrified expression as memory flooded back.  
  
Deciding that her two friends were serious, Shalimar took pity on them. She took both of them by the arm, and walked them slowly towards Adam and Jesse.  
  
"No, you didn't," she said. "And Brennan, I'm sorry about what I did to you."  
  
"I may never have any more children, you know."  
  
"More?" said Emma, eyebrow raised.  
  
"Well, you know." Brennan shrugged and looked away. "Wild oats and all, you never know."  
  
"Well, whatever," Shalimar interrupted, determined to get her point across, and stopping so that she could look them both in the eye. "I just want you to know that I will do anything to protect my family. Absolutely anything. You understand?" At their twin nods, Shalimar started walking with them again. "Of course, you guys are my family too, you know."  
  
*****  
  
Jesse sat in his favourite spot looking out across the sea.  
  
He still had a lot of problems that he and Adam were finding ways around, but he still felt so disjointed, like he wasn't really here.  
  
The others all kept their distance, as if afraid of him, or for him. He was finally talking with Adam, but the others had left him alone.  
  
Shalimar entered quietly and sat beside him.  
  
Neither said anything for a long while, but the silence was far from the companionable kind they were used to.  
  
Shalimar spoke first. "So, how are you doing?"  
  
"Lonely," Jesse said sharply, and regretted it instantly as Shalimar winced.  
  
"I'm sorry, we just thought you - "  
  
" - needed space, yeah, I know. You all seem to know what I need, who am I to argue?" He shrugged, knowing full well how petulant he sounded.  
  
"Someone who we care about a lot, and someone about whom we know a lot less than we thought," Shalimar told him matter of factly. "Even me." She paused. "They really hurt you, didn't they? Adam told me what they said."  
  
Jesse nodded, still able to feel the pain of rejection. A years old rejection suddenly renewed. And Shalimar was there, squeezing his hand in silent support.  
  
Another pause and this time Jesse broke it. "You still see Gabriel, don't you?" he said.  
  
Shalimar started slightly before nodding, and Jesse returned the reassuring squeeze. "Yeah, think I'll ever be free of him?"  
  
""Who knows," he replied. "How do you deal with it?"  
  
She smiled. "It doesn't matter who you are, Jess, or where you are, there will always be people who can hurt you, who can make you feel like a failure, who can make you feel like you don't belong. But they can only do that if you let them."  
  
The silence was again long, but this time companionable.  
  
FINIS 


End file.
